Put yourself out there!

There are some people for whom putting themselves and their work out in the world appears easy. There are others, like me, for whom every blog post, yoga offering and even photo (especially of ourselves!) hides a long uphill psychological process of self-convincing and facing our fears. But there is still another, silent but quite significant collective of people whose gifts never see the light of day. And as little as a year or so ago, I was a full-fledged member of that collective.

It seems counterintuitive, in world of influencers, dictatorship of appearance, “I post therefore I am”, to say that people struggle with putting themselves out there. However I’d wager saying that 9 out of 10 people reading this article will empathise. It all comes down to fear. Showing up in the world, taking space, talking loudly (about yourself!) is scary.

Now, the source of this fear is likely very different from person to person.

“People will get the wrong idea.” “I will come across as conceited.” “Who am I to talk, offer, work on, something that’s very complicated and nuanced?” “What if what I say is stupid?” “What if nobody comes to my class, reads my blog, watches my video, hires my services, purchases my art?”.

Imposter syndrome plays a huge part in this, but it’s not - unfortunately - the only dynamic at play. A friend with whom I was discussing the topic recently told me that once she thinks about finishing something and putting it out there, it’s like putting a period. Delimiting its scope and its possibilities so that it will never be able to be bigger, better than how it is at that specific moment. Talking about nuances of fear!

And we can keep reading intelligent quotes like

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking about us at all.

Or

Magic happens when you step out of your comfort zone.

But these quotes are unfortunately not enough to shake us out of this internal freezing. Our primitive sympathetic system reacts to dangers and while its first responses are fight or flight, freeze is its third.

How to unfreeze? That’s a very challenging question, and likely the solutions are as nuanced as the fears that drive the question in the first place.

As someone who is slowly crawling out of that pit, I would like to share with you fellow strugglers three thoughts that I found to be particularly helpful.

What will they write on your headstone?

We are so concerned about external reactions to what we might decide to do or say, that we never quite realize these limits are all perceived and the only real place where they live is inside our head! Granted, we likely analyzed the entire situation and the concerns we have appear reasonable and evidence-based but, in fact, they are not tested and proven in reality. When you don’t publish that article, don’t show your art, don’t offer your copywriting services, you are letting a fictional idea limit you. You believe that there will be a negative reaction, and maybe its probability is 99%. But what about that 1%? You just don’t know until you actually try.

What is your main approach to living your life? Let me take it up a notch. What do you want to be written on your headstone at the end of your life?

“She didn’t bother anybody” “She lived cautiously”

Don’t such epitaphs make you angry?

They should!

Photo by Jill Dimond on Unsplash.

For all we know we only have one life on this Earth - or if you believe in reincarnation at least one life we will have memory of. Why not try to live it to the fullest? And I don’t mean to fall into another dictatorship, that of having to “fulfill your potential” at any cost, which brings its own sets of toxicities (on this topic check out this philosophy podcast on the achievement society). I mean to explore your potential and, at least, not let some imaginary mind construct hinder you. Let life herself show you your limits, trust me she will, you don’t need to anticipate them yourself.

Serve the damn soup!

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash.

The mind storage capacity is something to be in awe of. However, keep on stuffing knowledge, skills and creative ideas into it will eventually lead to you spending the majority of your life in your head rather than in the reality. And as much as the mind is an incredibly sophisticated instrument, it will never be able to envision every single facet of reality. On top of it, all these mental objects that you store and hold as incredibly precious will eventually end up the same as food stored for too long in a cupboard: they will rot.

I once heard this metaphor of a soup, cooking in your head. You keep adding delicious ingredients, try the soup, add some more. A pinch from a book you are reading on data visualization, a handful from a training from that award-winning journalist, even a spoonful or two of the new artist sketchbook and watercolor set that you’ve just bought.

There is a point at which the soup is delicious, hot and ready to be enjoyed, but you keep on adding new ingredients. What happens? Not only at a certain point you won’t be able to stuff anything else in, but the soup itself will have become disgusting. With no discernible taste. Such a waste.

So to move on, even just for yourself to keep learning and keep growing, you need to serve the damn soup! The taste might not be perfect but once you serve it you will have a chance to start again and try a slightly different mix (o a completely new concept altogether).

And as you won’t be able to imagine all ways in which your art, service, article will go down - we aren’t all-knowing yet - the only way to have the full experience of it is to put it (whatever “it” is for you) out there into the world.

Also, you don’t know who needs your art, insight, offering, which brings me to the next point…

You don’t know who right here right now needs your gifts

Amazing work by Ami McNee, check her Instagram!

While I wouldn’t argue that there is a lot of (I’m sorry but) random crap out there, it is also true that there is no universal practice, way of seeing the world and insight. We are all wonderfully different from each other and we might resonate with one outlook more than another.

Life changing realizations don’t always come from long drawn-out processes of introspection (though I believe they do in most cases). Sometimes it’s a random encounter, a quote out of nowhere, a piece of art that can make us feel seen, heard and generally not alone in our inner world.

People I know said things that they’ve long forgotten but have however stayed with me ever since. Like a wise friend that, talking about my constitutional inability to be consistent in my friendships once told me “but you know Oriana, friendships are supposed to be organic, they go through different seasons”. Pure magic. A balm for my self-blaming soul.

The reverse holds also true. The world needs you and your ideas. Who knows, your experience dropping out of your PhD, moving to a new country, your sound healing workshop, your photo essay about the banlieue of Paris might just change someone’s life. You just don’t know.

So do yourself a favor, and while at it do the world a favor and share your art, your profession, your thoughts, your insights! Share out of a place of honesty and whole-heartedness rather than a place of ego but share!

The world needs your gifts!